Hi, Olly. When you booked Rizzle Kicks to appear on Heart Skips a Beat were you entirely sure what a Rizzle Kick was or did you think they were a type of biscuit?
Is it a type of biscuit?(1) I just knew that they were very talented lads and I wanted them on the song.
Some arrhythmias – or heart skips - are actually life-threatening medical emergencies. Or is your song a subtle warning about the dangers of poor cardiovascular health?
Maybe it is. It's good to let people know if your heart does skip a beat, call 999 straight away. If that song is making people aware if they have heart problems to contact the NHS, that's a good thing.
You also had a song called Heart on My Sleeve. That's even more dangerous! Aren't you worried you're encouraging small children to remove their internal organs and wear them as bling?(2)
I don't think that's even possible. I think the song's more of an abbreviation that you wear your heart on your sleeve.
Before you were famous, you won £10 as a punter on Deal or No Deal …
Which, for reference, doesn't get you a train back from Bristol to Essex (3).
In April 2012, you were on Celebrity Deal or No Deal and won 50p. Have you considered substantially revising your Deal or No Deal tactics?
I've made more money playing the Deal or No Deal fruit machine in the pub! I lost The X Factor and I lost Deal or No Deal twice. I'm good at losing game shows.
Um, apparently the general rule of thumb is to take the deal when the banker makes an offer that is above your case's current expected value.
I knew that's what I should have done!
Alternatively, why didn't you go on with a pair of X-ray specs?
Where do you stand on the conspiracy theory that the banker doesn't exist and Deal or No Deal is merely expensive public therapy for Noel Edmonds to exorcise the demonic voices in his head?
I thought it was a big myth but when you speak on the phone, there's a person there.
Did you get to meet the banker backstage?
No, that's the biggest secret of Deal or No Deal. No one knows who he is. You can't meet him.
Er, like The Stig?
Noel once got into trouble for admitting he drove his Ford GT40 at 186mph in the nude. What's the fastest you've driven naked?
I've never driven naked. I'd be too scared to get pulled over. The fastest I've ever driven naked is zero. I've been naked in a stationary car but that's another story.
Having dissed your game show skills, we should point out that you did win £10,000 on a Celebrity Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
Where do you stand on the conspiracy theory that Chris Tarrant doesn't realise it's real money, that's why he's so casual about giving it away?
I think if you had £10,000 in £20 notes in front of you, it would look like a lot of money. You'd probably take 10 grand in a heartbeat. But when you're playing it's easy to dismiss the offers when, fundamentally, that's a lot of money.
Is that why the Dragons on Dragons' Den have big piles of money on display? To give the appearance they're being more generous than they really are?
You're a man who favours braces. Are you making up for some embarrassing time your trousers fell down when you were running for the bus?
No. I just thought it would be cool to wear old-school braces. Braces are back now. I find it frustrating when people wear belts with braces. That's an interesting one.
Yet we rarely see you wearing a hat and braces at the same time. Do you have some sort of weak neck?
You should only have so many accessories. You have to make sure you have the right ones at the right time.
Even Caroline Flack's mum thinks you two should be an item. Er … why don't you get on with it?
We're not in that position. People want us to get together but actually we're just really good mates.
That's sounds what a bloke says when the women has blown him out …
She definitely hasn't blown me out. We just get on really well.
OK. Bye then, Olly. You're released an album without fail every Christmas for the last three years. Same time next year?
Probably not. I've got a lot of touring across the world, which I'm excited about. I never expected to get to three albums. I'll continue what I'm doing and we'll see what happens.
(1) Back to article No. You're thinking of Jaffa Cakes, Olly. Except they're cakes
(2) Back to article Your aorta might get snagged on your watch or something
(3) Back to article You'd have thought Noel would have developed more of a Bristol accent by now, my lovers
(4) Back to article The Deal or No Deal boxes are lined with lead as a precaution against X-ray vision
(5) Back to article We made that up
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