Five ways Newcastle can become even more French

Croissants

Allez les Lads! Screamed one headline earlier today. Newcastle United's French revolution is in full swing. We've taken a sideways glance at how the club can add even more gallic flair to their armoury.

Newcastle have now signed five Frenchmen this transfer window; Yoan Gouffran, Mapou Yanga-M'biwa, Moussa Sissoko, Mathieu Debuchy, and Massadio Haidara.

That's to add to Gabriel Obertan, Yohan Cabaye, Sylvain Marveaux, Hatem Ben Arfa, and Romain Amalfitano - That's 10 players, almost a full team. 

Then there's French speaking Senegalese ace Papiss Cisse and Algerian Mehdi Abeid. The French dialect will be more commonplace than the Geordie one at the club.

Here's a tongue in cheek look at how Newcastle can embrace the French even more...

Sack Pardew and appoint a French manager

With 10 players from across the channel in the squad, Alan Pardew best have his English-French dictionary to hand. One better, is for Mike Ashley to eradicate any communication problems by helping the players feel at home by having a French manager. It certainly worked for Arsenal back in the mid-90s, and with Laurent Blanc forging an excellent reputation for himself, he may be just the man for the job. Eight-year contract? Don't worry about that...

Get a French shirt sponsor

This one is semi-serious actually, Mike Ashley isn't a man to shy away from a commercial opportunity and the club's profile in France has never been higher. There are dozens of French companies who would jump at the chance to be associated with the club, from car manufacturers Renault or Citroen, to fashion brand Louis Vuitton. Cheik Tiote wearing a Louis Vuitton kit, imagine that... Or they could go classy with Dom Perignon. Perhaps they could bring Andy Carroll back and invite L'Oreal to come on board? The list of possibilities is endless.

Change the menu

Forget the traditional half-time pie and pint, it's time for Newcastle to change the food menu to reflect their squad. Out will go the steak and kidney pie, and in will come the croissants and crepes. And supporters can drink the blues away on wine of course. A touch of class.

Build a statue of a Frenchman

If Fulham can build a statue of Michael Jackson outside their ground, Mike Ashley can do anything he wants and build a statue too right? St James Park will never be the same again, but the legion of French players will feel right at home. There's a couple of outstanding candidates, former Toon heroes Laurent Robert or David Ginola. Then there's former flop Stephane Guivar'ch, who to be fair resembled a statue during his time in the North East. Or Ashley can pick one out of leftfield like Al Fayed did at Fulham, how about famous fictional characters Asterix and Obelix?

Apply to join Ligue One

Newcastle may as well go the whole hog now, and look to quit the Premier League and join Ligue One. Their chances of silverware will surely increase, it's been years since they won anything in England, so they may as well try elsewhere. Their spot in the Premier League would be gladly snapped up by one the Glasgow clubs, and it's not like France is far to travel now is it. Their 'local' derby would be a clash with northerly team Brest, a destination which would attract plenty of Geordies, while the glamour clash would be the chance to battle Marseille, and resume hostilities with a certain Monsieur Barton.

What do you think of the French arrivals at Newcastle?

image: © dantaylor

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